FREAKING OUT

So I set a deadline for myself:

by the end of the day today (read: 5pm) I would commit to a research team for the remainder of my PhD.

In short, this means I know who my advisor will be, what general research area(s) I will be working in, and what type(s) of work I'll be doing for the remainder of my schooling. I have been at peace with this situation/decision for more than 48 hours now. Hence my deadline to just commit. But as the 5pm hour approaches, I am

FREAKING OUT!!

I'm not one to shy away from commitment. And usually once I make a decision I'm ok moving forward, but this one makes me nervous. It seems like such a big deal. It makes the reality of having to complete a dissertation very real. So I am freaking out.

I have the commitment email to my new advisor written in my head. I just need to type it out and press send. Why am I so nervous? Seriously, butterflies (thousands of them) in my stomach.

My journey of getting to this point - of joining a research team and beginning the process of working on a dissertation - has been hard. It has forced to to weigh so many costs and benefits; pros and cons. As the decision making process comes to a close, I am forced to realize that the actually journey and real work is just beginning. Maybe that is why I'm freaking out.

I have a long road ahead of me. My goal is to complete my dissertation by December 2011. That seems so far off. But it also seems like such a short period of time to complete so much work.

AH!

-------------------------------------------------------------------

Dissertation topic: will be revealed in due time. I'll post tomorrow about my new research team and advisor (because I am excited to be joining this group).

Today: must.get.laundry.done.