Tuesday, May 26, 2009


So I set a deadline for myself:

by the end of the day today (read: 5pm) I would commit to a research team for the remainder of my PhD.

In short, this means I know who my advisor will be, what general research area(s) I will be working in, and what type(s) of work I'll be doing for the remainder of my schooling. I have been at peace with this situation/decision for more than 48 hours now. Hence my deadline to just commit. But as the 5pm hour approaches, I am


I'm not one to shy away from commitment. And usually once I make a decision I'm ok moving forward, but this one makes me nervous. It seems like such a big deal. It makes the reality of having to complete a dissertation very real. So I am freaking out.

I have the commitment email to my new advisor written in my head. I just need to type it out and press send. Why am I so nervous? Seriously, butterflies (thousands of them) in my stomach.

My journey of getting to this point - of joining a research team and beginning the process of working on a dissertation - has been hard. It has forced to to weigh so many costs and benefits; pros and cons. As the decision making process comes to a close, I am forced to realize that the actually journey and real work is just beginning. Maybe that is why I'm freaking out.

I have a long road ahead of me. My goal is to complete my dissertation by December 2011. That seems so far off. But it also seems like such a short period of time to complete so much work.



Dissertation topic: will be revealed in due time. I'll post tomorrow about my new research team and advisor (because I am excited to be joining this group).

Today: must.get.laundry.done.


Becca said...

Becky, I am thinking good thoughts for you today! I hope it all goes well, and I know your commitment email will be fantastic. Good luck!

WASPy Girl said...

My dissertation advisor was a total disaster. Never read a thing I sent to her, so I had to get a new advisor at the revision phase. My committee was very dysfunctional, and I still survived the process.

I know it doesn't feel like it, but you're almost at the end!!!

And writing my dissertation was my favorite part of graduate school.